The tide goes out, but always returns

I am an all or nothing person.  I am either making art, and therefore an artist, or I am not making art, and very much not an artist.  

So,  feeling so ill I can’t paint means I feel less and less like an artist.  I don’t like breaks from painting; it’s not good for me.  You know that place inside that you’re meant to have, the place in your soul, where you can find peace and safety in a world of chaos, a place where your sense of self is quietly certain and consistent, where you go and peace descends?  You go there and you lose yourself in the flow of things?  That place?  Well, painting is the portal to that place for me.  It’s the magic key to get in.

I’ve found the place occasionally before painting: running, swimming, yoga and back in the day, dancing for hours in a club.

But painting is the way I’ve succeeded most to get to my place.  I don’t have any special rituals,  I just get my arse downstairs to my in-house studio and as soon as I walk in and see my things and smell the linseed and zest-it, I’m in the zone.  Smells really are so powerful – they go straight to the cortex y’know.

So I struggle with the inconsistencies in my creative practice that comes from being ill a lot.  The good news is, I am always able to get back on the horse.  I don’t think too much about what I’m going to paint, subject wise. Usually I have some colours I want to play with, and this time I had some acrylics that I’d managed to keep wet for 2 weeks (meanwhile my oils have dried to a crust on the palette, not looking forward to scraping that lot off, ugh).  So today was the day I saddled up!

The more I do abstract art, the more I love it.  It sings to me – the process, the intent, the results.  And I am an artist once more.

Porthgwidden_Final
Porthgwidden,  acrylic on stretched canvas, 10 x 10
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4 thoughts on “The tide goes out, but always returns

  1. willenajeane February 12, 2016 / 3:02 pm

    Well said Vicki, I know just how you feel my struggle is very similar. I am so very frustrated right now and feel my work is just not working and the weather is feeding my disease. I hate all the starting and stoping. I need to immerse myself in my work until I am exhausted and then take a period of rest. If I force it things don’t go well.

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    • vickihutchinsartist February 12, 2016 / 6:11 pm

      Awww so sorry to hear you are suffering too…it’s like you said, all the stopping and starting, it can be disruptive. Plus you’ve had some Weather with capital W over there – is it still around? I saw last year in Boston the snow took til April for the last bit to melt! Over here, especially where I live, it rarely snows and if it does it doesn’t stay for long. Very damp though! Not sure what’s worse.
      I hope you’re managing to do something creative to keep your soul topped up till you can get in your groove again – and hope you feel better too! X

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      • willenajeane February 15, 2016 / 1:11 pm

        This weather has been relentless here. We had another 4″ of snow last night. The temperature was around 10 degrees so no painting for me. I am working on some ideas and paperwork for now. I hate not being productive. I hope you are feeling well and wish you the best. Thanks for the sympathetic thoughts.

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